Havoc
by Vanitas-Remnant
Summary: When Havoc gets tragically murdered by his girlfriend, Sazha Hawkeye  O.C  has to go against her beliefs and everything she has worked for, just to have it ruined and taken away.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I only have one thing to say: **I DO NOT OWN FMA. The cow does**! But I own the most kick ass oc in my own little make believe world, the main point of view.

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><p>One experience I never had wanted to face: Jean Havoc's death. Most of my life there had been tons of blood and deaths.<p>

But never like this.

It was much worse when he died.

Roy was just trying to explain what happened in Ishbal.

The war that made the course of my life change. Dramatically.

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><p>"I-I killed the Rockbells." Roy confessed, hanging his head down, looking at the cup of tea in his hands. I couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth.<p>

"What?" Suddenly it was hard to breathe. The close confined space in my little military issued apartment seemed like it was closing in, making my claustrophobia worsen. I couldn't handle being close with someone who had killed my adoptive parents.

Hell, I couldn't even live with myself-killing all those people up at Briggs.

My hands began to tremble, shaking the tea cup.

"I'm really sorry, Hawkeye. I-I wish it never happened. Miss Rockbell already knew-"

"YOU TOLD WINRY, BUT NOT ME?" I stood up, slamming the tea cup down-breaking it. Brown tea sloshed onto the floor, staining it.

"I didn't mean to, Hawkeye! I had really wanted to tell you first, but Hughes-"

I shut him up, by jumping at him, hands out and ready to strangle. I had adrenaline surging through my veins, ready for the kill.

We both tumbled to the ground, my slender hands around his neck. Roy laid there, waiting to die. I was surprised he hadn't thrown me off-I was defiantly a third of his weight, due to my lack of eating and obsessive exercising. His midnight blue eyes had slowly started to close, my hands crushing his wind pipe.

Suddenly I heard a "Sir!" and was thrown off of Mustang. A muscled body pinned me against the wall. Upon impact, the picture frame had crashed from its spot on the wall, onto my head. Glass splintered my skin, cutting it open. It didn't matter to me that I was bleeding. I still felt the need of spilling Roy's blood, in place for the Rockbell's.

Jean tried to keep me pinned, but couldn't.

I grabbed a piece of glass and shoved it into his body. I didn't know where, but all I knew was he began to bleed.

Badly.

"Sazha… Don't…" I stopped, feeling his heartbeat quicken. Time slowed, as I looked down. Blood had poured from the wound on his chest, saturating his white shirt.

He was bleeding from the heart.

"JEAN!" I tried to scream, but my words were caught in my throat. I had no idea that I was going to do. Roy had gotten up, and stumbled over to us-his neck red.

Both Jean and I were covered in blood. Slowly I felt his body turn cold.

So cold.

Roy had pulled me out from under Jean and started to hold me to his chest, smoothing down my hair.

I couldn't feel my body, or Mustang.

Nothing.

Not a lot of people had come to his funeral. Mustang, my aunt Riza, Jean's best friend Breda, Fuery, Falman, a couple other higher-ups, the Fuhrer, and Havoc's mother.

The porters carried his coffin, gently dropping it into the already dug hole.

Everyone had heard that he got in a car crash, and was burned to a crisp.

It was partly true.

After a few hours, Roy decided-I still couldn't think- that it would be more likely if Havoc had gotten in a car accident.

Roy planned it all. From driving the car out of town, to using his Alchemy to destroy the car, and Havoc's body.

I didn't go to his funeral, and quickly regretted it.

Breda pounded on the door, fist tightly closed. I turned from my position-laying on my left shoulder, facing the couch- to facing the window.

"I know you're in there, sir. Open up." By his tone, I realized he wasn't in a happy mood, but wasn't in a sad one either.

I stayed there, staring into nothing.

"You're making a bad decision, sir." Breda yelled, throwing the door open. His orange hair was slicked back, and his long formal robe, buttoned. The lieutenant stomped over to me and pulled me off the couch, my body limp. Breda's dark eyes clouded with anger.

"This isn't good on your side, Sazha. First you missed a week of work, claiming you're too sick to come. Next you dodge Havoc's funeral! Something's up, Sazzy, and I want to know what!" I looked up, eyes like death.

"I killed him."


	2. New beginning

Hey, it's Sazha Havoc again! *Salutes*. Sorry for the kinda late upload, I'm trying to figure out how to work this uploading new chapters onto stories, and even trying to figure out life. Well do the usual thing, and read and REVIEW! Please, as a fellow fanfiction addict, please please review.

~Dog of the Millitary~  
>Sazha Havoc<p>

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><p>I never thought that three simple little words could possibly be the ultimate reason for dying.<p>

When Colonel Mustang came home, after the funeral, he saw me and Lt. Breda sitting having tea.

"What is going on? Breda… Why the hell are you in my home?" Roy growled. According to him, I was the only other person-Well besides Hughes… But that's another story- to actually have a look inside the all mighty Flame Colonel's apartment. Some of his darkest nightmares would fight their way out of his subconscious and come alive here.

"I wanted to see Colonel Hawkeye. We hadn't seen her in a while…" I took a long sip of my tea and sighed.

"The Lieutenant wanted to know why I have been dodging everyone. He knows Mustang. Don't try and protect the truth." Roy gave me a what-the-hell face, but turned and walked into the kitchen.

"You can't avoid the truth. No matter which way you put it. So what I want to know is why would you kill Havoc? I thought you loved him! I know he defiantly loved you." I didn't reply, giving Breda the cold shoulder.

Why should I answer him? It would only cause me way too much pain and misery. When he died, he took my heart with. But I wasn't going to stay in some coma. While Mustang was at work I was researching.

About Human Transmutation.

The house was silent for a few minutes, before Breda got up.

"I better go. This silence is killing me." He walked over to the door, jacket in hand. He turned and looked at me.

"Good bye, Lieutenant." My voice rang in a cold chill. I didn't mean to be so rude; I just had to get him out. Breda nodded, and left.

"What was that about?" Mustang lifted an eyebrow and watched as I stood up and walked over to him. I smelt his warm smell as I leaned in closer, to his ear.

"I'm going to perform Human Transmutation on Jean." The words were whispered, but sounded like little bombs to Roy's ears. I could feel his body tense. I turned and grabbed my jacket.

"I'm going out." I called over my shoulder as I walked out the door. The cool fall air sent shivers down my spine, as I walked away from the house.

First thing on my list: Go see my dad. I chuckled, thinking of my 'dad'.

Maes Hughes.

He technically wasn't my dad, but when he was alive, he treated me like his own flesh and blood. Like a daughter.

Second thing on my list: See _him._

Even though Jean was dead, I had to see him. Ever since I killed him, my sun, the day's always seemed to turn into rain. Just like the tears that flowed down my cheek, on the day that I took away his light.

If it wasn't raining, I would have thought today was perfect. The day he died, my 18th birthday-Today is my 21st- was horrible. I was so ready to finally turn 18 that day.

I shook my head, walking under the Central Cemetery sign.

It was customary for the Military officers to be buried in the first section.

Row seven, tombstone 29. Maes Hughes.

"You know, dad… It's funny how things turn out. You died with me watching, and holding you as you breathed your last breath. Jean died the same way, me watching and holding him. But I was the one who killed him." The wind picked up and a rain drop hit my cheek. I remember, standing behind Roy next to Riza on his funeral.

"Today's a terrible day for rain." I whispered, the memories flashing before my eyes.

I _couldn't_ lose another person that was important to me.

The forbidden science was going to be performed soon.

The rain finally stopped falling as I walked up to Roy's apartment. He was nice enough to let me stay there until I got back up on my feet, and got a new apartment.

"There you are… I want talk to you." Roy said, as I opened the door and took off my jacket.

"That's an obvious fact." I pointed out, closing the door.

"Excuse me?"

"It's obvious because I left saying something that would Court Marshal me. I'm actually surprised that they're not already here, waiting for me. Roy stood up from his place in the living room and walked into the kitchen.

"Hot chocolate or tea?" He ignored my statement.

"Hot chocolate. It's cold outside." I trudged over to the chairs and sat across the chair, legs over the arm rest. I heard the microwave go off and Roy open it. Glancing about the room, I saw my Alchemy journal on the coffee table.

'So he'd been reading it…'

"Here." He handed the cup to me, an uninterested look plastered on his face. I could tell he had something up his sleeve but was waiting on the right time to say it. His onyx bangs barely brushing past the bottom of his eyes. Just then I noticed the slightly dark bags under his eyes.

"I'm going to do Human Transmutation on Jean, and there's nothing you can do to stop me." I commented after he sat down, sipping on the hot chocolate.

"I'm not going to stop you. I'm simply asking if I could help."

"Really?" I lifted an eyebrow. He nodded, leaning forward and clasping his hands together.

"After the Ishbalan War, I was going to transmute an Ishbalan child. Hughes obviously stopped me. I was so pained by that war. And when I met you, such an innocent and young child, I didn't believe my ears when you commanded me to take you with me back to Central command center. I thought you had a naïve mind about how the world actually was… That was until you passed the State test. A girl. Above even more experience people you used a flame attack that I couldn't believe. And now…" Roy shook his head. "Such an amazing girl… I didn't want to tell you that I killed the Rockbells, mostly in fear of you being able to control even a small flame. A young girl has more ability to control fire than me…" I smiled.

"Every dog has his day's Mustang. Every dog has his days."

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><p>Wow, that was quite an experience... Please review and leave me a message. Also if you want, I'll write you a story... But I require something out of that. PM me, and I'll talk it over with you.<p>

~Dog of the Military~  
>Sazha Havoc<p> 


	3. The Vial

New chapter! Well I'm surprised how many people have read Havoc. Well please read and review. Thanks,

~Dog of the Military~  
>Sazha Havoc<p>

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><p><em>Fire burned across my face. The once happy home was set aflame, and I had no way of stopping it.<em>

"_Mom? Dad? Anyone? Help!" My voice cracked. The heat of the purple flames intensified and I reached out to touch a door knob and the skin of my left hand was seared. My jade eyes began to water, and my bottom lip quivered. _

My eyes flashed open and I saw I was lying on the couch. Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes. 'Just a nightmare.' I told myself, stretching. It was dark in the apartment.

The last time I saw my parents, was that morning. They had sent me off to school, and I came back, and went into the kitchen. There was a note on the counter that said that mom, and dad both had a headache and I had to make my lunch for tomorrow and soup for dinner. I was about 7 about that time, and my parents had no problem with me in the kitchen. I had accidently set my house on fire, and regretted it every day after that.

"Hawkeye?" I turned to see Mustang, standing in the doorway of his room. His onyx eyes were fuzzy and half asleep. I fell back and stared up at the ceiling.

"Yes sir?" I sensed him coming closer to me, and he sat across from me in the arm chair, slinging his body across, like I was last night.

"Can't sleep?" I shook my head and sighed, turning my head towards him. My strawberry blonde bangs brushed past my eye and made me blink. Colonel Mustang sighed and closed his eyes. The scene changed back to the burning home. I blinked again, suddenly confused, but the image went away.

"Just more nightmares…" Roy snorted at my words and I saw his toss his head.

"What's the matter, _sir?_ Having nightmares yourself but too damn frightened to tell me?" He snorted again, and sat up, the way a normal human would.

"I would tell you, but I don't want you to start going back on your decision."

My decision to transmute Jean.

"For your information, Colonel… I would never go back. You should know. I'm not that type of person." Even in the darkness, I saw the tiny smirk flash across his smug face.

"Alright then, Colonel smart ass. I had a nightmare that our transmutation failed." A cold shiver shot through my spine.

He was probably right… The Elric siblings had transmuted their mother and it failed. I even saw the broken thing myself.

But this was different.

I wasn't three young kids who strive to see their mothers' smile again. I was a grown woman, who had to transmute her lover, to undo her mistake.

I just hope I don't fail.

There had been a few weeks of research and mindless tasks at work until we finally were ready.

"I'm sure you can spend a day without your superiors. A day of rest is all we need." Mustang said, the two of us standing in front of the unit.

I knew I had to say something, but the Colonel never let me say anything. They all knew that I still was in depression about the accident. It was a surprise to me, all the sorry faces that looked at me, since then. All sad that I probably would grab my military issued side arm and put it in my mouth. To their surprise, I never did. I had friends who cared, who saved me from myself. Saved me from the darkness which I could have destroyed myself with.

"Hawkeye, sir?" Sergeant Major Kain Fuery stood in front of me, with his hands behind his back, obviously holding something.

"Yes?" My eyes drooped, and shoulders sagged. I was tired, and after we do the transmutation tonight, I would no longer have to stay awake, trying to escape all the nightmares, which would surely plague my sleep deprived body.

Fuery held out his hands.

"The Cremation Service place just delivered this. And we," He gestured to everyone in the room. "We knew you, of all people, would want his heart."

Jean's heart.

I took the small vile, and held it up in the light. It was made of crystal with an onyx top.

It took me a few seconds to hold back the threat of tears.

"Thank you." I was surprised the words didn't get caught in my throat. The words were nice and happy. Falman walked over with a thin silver chain and my aunt, Riza came along with him. Breda came to stand next to me, and they all helped. Breda threaded the precious vile on the chain, and my aunt wrapped it around my neck. I felt my trembling fingers, finger the vile. Roy had come over and even wrapped me into a hug, which surprised me.

Mustang never hugged.

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><p>Well… Sad, I know. I really feel sad for Sazha and Roy. They're getting themselves caught in way deep, and probably won't ever get out… Sorry, I gave you a small preview! LOLZ, please Review and tell me how I did! It helps me write better!<p>

~Dog of the Military~  
>Sazha Hawkeye<p> 


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